Memoirs.

I have a dream. I want to forget your name. I want to forget everything. Every word, every promise and every moment how I spent with you. Reportedly I deserve better.
I became your doll who believed in every promises. I was stupid. You didn't tell me the truth. Never and I waited. Day. Week. Month. Year.
I tried to understand your decision. I tried to catch air and hear the beating of your heart. I did everything but you didn't understand and I promised myself that I will learn to lie. I learned how to say everything what I wanted. Every lie was hard for me but I'm doing this for you. For love. Propably...                       
I fell down. I drank and took everything because that promised me, fast and calm death - no pain, no blood, no you.
I spend a lot of time in the white room without windows. Reportedly this was a hospital for people like me. Ill. Lonely. Addicted.
You were my death. Every kiss and touch of your hand. Your body, eyes and smile. That all were me illness. A memories were drugs.
2 years ago, my mentor told me:
"You must forget."
2 years ago oblivion became my dream. I did everything: I drew a colorful pictures, read books, ran and learned new things but nothing was helped me.
My mentor gave me a notebook last year. I began to write. I wrote everything about what I wanted to forget. That was my therapy. My first notebook became an ash. I threw away the notes into fire and I looked how my memories were burning. My second notebook I lost. I haven't wrote my third notebook. I didn't have strength. Now, I believe that I will forget...
"I need this
I need the darkness
the sweetness
the sadness
the weakness
I need a lullaby
A kiss good night
Angel sweet
Love of my life"
You weren't my addiction. Never. Now. I know it.

My addiction is LOVE. 

I need this.